Vigil - Zutara Week 2015

            Most of the members of the group hated the night watch. It was usually uneventful and incredibly boring which made it ridiculously difficult to stay awake. They didn’t always need to do the night watch, but as exposed as they were compared to the Western Air Temple and with the possibility of Azula being on their tails, they couldn’t be too careful. Since Zuko was the newest addition to the group, Sokka nominated him as the watchman for the night. Naturally, everyone agreed… everyone except for Katara.

            “Absolutely not.”

            “Come on, Katara. He’s just going to stay awake and warn us if someone comes.” Sokka explained.

            “No. I still don’t trust him. How do we know he’s not going to wait for us all to fall asleep and then slit our throats?” The whole group flinched.

            “Agni, Katara. I understand that you don’t trust me but don’t you think that accusation’s a little harsh?” Zuko asked.

            “Seriously, just give him a chance.” Toph said.

            “No.”

            “Fine. That means that you have to keep watch instead.” Sokka said.

            “Fine,” Katara said as she crossed her arms and scowled at the fire flickering before her.

            A few hours passed and Katara took her place facing the water with her back to the fire and the tents. About thirty minutes after everyone said their goodnights, the calm silence was interrupted by footsteps approaching her from behind. She recognized the distinctive long strides and the characteristically light step well enough not to need to turn to see who was approaching.

            “You should be asleep.” She said.

            “Technically, it’s my watch tonight,” Zuko said as he sat down a few feet away from her. “Besides, how can you keep a vigil eye and make sure I’m not going to hurt Aang if your back is facing us?” Katara huffed and rolled her eyes, although he made a good point.

    They sat in silence for a while. Katara opened her mouth and closed it hundreds of times, debating on what to say to him. She had already given him an earful earlier that day when she told him to bring back her mother. Even so, she felt as though there was still so much to say to him. Every time she would try to speak, Zuko would look over at her and patently wait for her remark. But every time she would say nothing, he would smirk and look back at the water. This only infuriated her more.

    When Katara had opened her mouth for what seemed like the millionth time, Zuko cut her off in order to start a real conversation.

    “I don’t remember the last time I saw my mother.” He said. Katara, thrown off guard, closed her mouth and looked at him.

    “What?”

    “I mean, I remember seeing her. Like, she said goodbye and I remember most of her words but I don’t remember how old I was. And she woke me in the middle of the night too, so I was pretty dazed. It was a weird goodbye too. Rushed. Well, I mean, I guess it had to have been.” He sighed. “Before I left to join you guys, my father told me why she left. When my cousin died, my father told my grandfather that he wanted to surpass my uncle because his bloodline had ended. Apparently my grandfather was pretty mad and he told my father that for his selfishness, he had to know the pain of killing his first-born son. Me. My father told me that my mother wouldn’t allow it. So she did ‘treasonous things’ in order for me to live and for my father to get the crown. I’m assuming that meant that she killed my grandfather. Whatever she did, it ended with getting her banished.” Zuko touched his scar. “Like mother like son, I guess.” He sighed, dropped his hand and continued:

    “I don’t know if I should believe it or not. It makes sense on most levels but he was also stalling so that he could kill me when the eclipse was over.” He paused. “I meant it when I said that the Fire Nation taking away our mothers was something we had in common. We obviously experienced it differently, but I wasn’t trying to trick you in any way.” Zuko turned around and waved a few blasts of fire in to the fire pit. The glow of the fire illuminated his scar.

    Katara never really knew how he got his scar. She had linked his banishment, honor, Aang, and the scar all in one connection but she couldn’t quite piece it together. She wanted to ask him how exactly he got the scar be she could tell that the subject was a little touchy for him. She scoffed in her mind. Listen to her, afraid of asking Zuko something because it might make him feel bad. Nevertheless, she swallowed hard and as he turned back to the water, she spoke.

    “My mother died because she was protecting me too. At least, that’s what I’ve gathered. I was young too and the memory is blurry but I remember the black snow. It was a Fire Nation raid. I went to go and find my mother but there was a firebender in our hut yelling at her. She told me to go find my father. She said that she would handle it.” Katara choked back her tears. “When I left the hut, I heard the man shout something about a waterbender. I was just beginning to show signs of being a waterbender. The only one in our tribe. I guess someone told the firebenders and they came to find me.

    “Obviously a lot of our warriors were wounded and some had been killed but the death of our mother, at the time, seemed like the most uncalled for. On our travels, we met another waterbender from the Southern Water Tribe named Hama. She told us that the Fire Nation had come to the tribe before that and they had taken all of the waterbenders, including her. That’s when I pieced it together. My mother told the firebender that she was the last waterbender of the tribe to protect me.” She paused. “I guess our stories aren’t really all that different. Except you got to say goodbye, and I didn’t.”

    “You had a father to fall back on. I didn’t.”

    “You had your uncle.”

    “You had your brother.” Katara sighed.

    “I guess either way you look at it, both of our lives are pretty screwed up.” She rubbed the brimming tears out of her eyes.

    “Either way you look at it, the Fire Nation is to blame for our pain.” Katara’s chest tightened when he said “our pain”.  She supposed he was right. It was something that they shared. She thought about Sokka. Of course the loss of their mother had him in pain too, but he said himself that he couldn’t remember her face anymore. She thought about Azula. Was she always crazy? Zuko never spoke about her but he did try to kill her just as she tried to kill him. Like father like daughter. Katara closed her eyes.

    “I’m sorry.” She said quietly. Even though her eyes were closed, she could feel him staring at her.

    “Don’t be.” He said so softly she wondered if he even had said it or if it was just the wind. Before she could decide, she looked over at him. His eyes were trained on her. Those golden, smoldering eyes. She could tell that he had been holding back tears of his own. The strong prince. She blinked and she could feel the warm tears roll down her cheeks, leaving an icy trail. Before she could stop herself, she fell into his arms. Without missing a beat, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly while she sobbed.

     “I’m so sorry.” She said again. This time she didn’t know if she was saying it to Zuko or to her mother. She was surprised as to how badly she needed to cry and how grateful she was that she wasn’t alone.

    “I’ll help you.” Zuko said with his voice muffled in her hair. “I’ll help you find the man who killed your mother.” Katara’s stomach twisted and she pulled back to look at him.

    “What?”

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    Thunder rolled as Katara and Zuko walked back to Appa. Katara tried to control her trembling body as she recalled the look on Yon Rha’s face when she attacked him. It sickened her that she felt bad for him. She thought about her mom and allowed herself to cry. She relied on the rain to hide her tears from Zuko. When they reached Appa, Katara began to climb up but Zuko held her down.

    “You did the right thing,” he said with his hand on her shoulder.

    “I did the weak thing.”

    “No, you did the opposite. You could’ve unleashed all of your pain and anger on to him but you didn’t.”

    “I couldn’t.”

    “You wouldn’t.”

    “What’s the difference?” She asked turning to face him.

    “Strength.” She rolled her eyes and began to turn away but he grasped her face so that she was forced to look into his golden eyes. “You could’ve killed him right there but you didn’t because you knew that wasn’t going to make you feel better. Most people would’ve killed him and then regretted it right after, but you’re smarter than that. You knew yourself. You knew how strong you are. You knew that you didn’t need to kill him to get closure. That wasn’t a sign of weakness. That was a sign of strength, of wisdom, of dominance. Everything that makes you great.” She didn’t understand the sudden urge that discharged inside of her, but she did understand that if she didn’t size the urge now, she would regret it later.

    So without much thought, she rushed forward and pressed her lips onto his. Unlike before when she hugged him, this took him a few seconds to register. But once his mind was done spinning, he pulled her closer and kissed her back. His kiss was entirely different from Aang’s. While Aang’s was… nice, this was intense. Heat radiated through her body and melted her bones. She wanted to sink to the ground but his arms held her up. The way his lips moved fluidly with hers, the way his desperation seeped through showed how badly he wanted this, how badly he needed her. Just like she needed him. By the time they broke apart, the storm had passed.

    “We need to head back.” He said softly.

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    When they arrived back at camp, Zuko told the group what had happened and Katara officially announced her forgiveness to Zuko.

    Katara offered up to take night watch again. She had so many emotions swirling around that she knew she wouldn’t get much sleep anyhow. As she took her place, overlooking the water, she heard the same approaching footsteps. She smiled. She was definitely not going to get any sleep.